I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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