Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
