Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
