Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize