apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
