Me too!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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