Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize