And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
