just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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