The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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