And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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