was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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