youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
