When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
