Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
