you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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