dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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