How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
