You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
