I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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