some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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