if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
