I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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