Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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