I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
