oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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