I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
