11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
