So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
