I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize