Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize