the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
