I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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