Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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