How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Congratulations! We have a period
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
