Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize