be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
