Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
