Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
