i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
