she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You can't just leave with hair like that
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
