Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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