How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
