Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
