I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
