Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
