What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
