I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
