you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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