mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
