Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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