Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
