I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
