I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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