i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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