the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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