i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
