Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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