Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
