Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
