Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
