dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
