this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it