I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Help me help you realize you are a moron