so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
