Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
