I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it