Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter