just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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