but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
