Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
