I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
